After taking a couple months off from writing, I have rediscovered my passion for putting my thoughts to paper and authentically expressing myself through the power of words. The topic of human connection has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it’s the fact that we have had to remain six feet apart from one another all while wearing a mask that disguises half of our face, that has made me really step back and consider why so many people neglect the ability to deeply connect with themselves and those around them.
I have said it before, but I genuinely believe I have grown up in the wrong generation. I am not here to paint everyone with the same brush as I know everyone has their own story, traumas, fears and insecurities. However, I am here to put it bluntly, rip the Band-Aid off and really dive deep into why our generation consistently self-sabotages. As a 23 year-old woman who has had the absolute privilege to grow up in a household full of unconditional love and acceptance, I have been able to learn how to acknowledge my feelings and properly express my emotions. That being said, I know many of you have not grown up with the same experience and that’s ok; but it is up to you to make the active choice to not dodge and run anytime you feel something.
I am not going to lie, I have spent a lot of time thinking about why dating nowadays is so difficult. What I discovered is that the things we consider “normal” aren't so normal. What is now being considered the “bare-minimum” is ultimately just human decency. The effort that is required to be at the bare-minimum is as the word says, minimal. So to me the fact that when we date someone and they act at that level we assume they are the Crème de la crème, the cream of the crop, the chef’s kiss if you must - when really they are simply behaving in a way human beings were originally conditioned to act. To me I believe that people are afraid, it is the classic “fight or flight” reaction. It has been through my experience that I notice the consistent behaviour of people who are fearful of giving into their feelings, thus leaving them self-sabotaging and trying to escape the innate human desire for human connection.
By definition, human connection is the exchange of positive energy between people. The potential of feeling understood and united through human connection is one of the most rewarding elements in life. It has the power to deepen the moment and the bond between people, inspire change and build trust. If we are routinely running and distracting ourselves anytime we feel understood, heard, desired and respected by another person we are not allowing ourselves to ever obtain the most rewarding element of life, which is love.
Being known as the “hookup-culture,” many of us have learned to rewire our brain and emotions to try (key word, try) to distance our feelings from that specific person we only call after a few tequilas on a Friday night. We play mind-games, we play hard to get, we do not communicate as we would like to because Heaven forbid we show the person who has seen us naked that in fact, we are not a robot and we actually have feelings. Yikes. Tie up your laces and hit the road, Jack. Don’t you come back until you’ve self-sabotaged some more and have finally fled your feelings for the hundredth time.
I am making somewhat light of the topic, but I am also being serious because no matter how hard we try, we are all hardwired to seek the innate human desire for connection. You can only run so long until you realize that eventually you will have to stop, look yourself in the mirror and begin to understand what you are really running from. Whether it's your fear of being hurt again due to your past relationships, whether it is your upbringing, your personal baggage, or your fear of loving someone and it not working out. Whatever it is, you need to learn to be fearless rather than fearful. It is finally time to stop running away from everything, and find something to run toward.
As I sit here and reflect on the words I am sharing, I believe that people are inherently good; however, if we keep running we will eventually lose track of our path, purpose and destination that God has paved for us. My request to each of you reading this is to do a little bit more today - whether that is texting that person who you have feelings for, journaling your thoughts, or telling your family or friends that you are thankful for them. Just do a little bit extra in anything you do, or what you’re supposed to do because that is when you can make the most significant impact. We are man kind, so be a kind man (or woman).